Dear Johnny,
Mommy has been up since 3:00. Grieving is a lot like having a new baby, I think. It's exhausting and it's hard to think about other things.
There are many kind people who want nothing more than to take my pain away. I wish they understood that while I don't like being in pain, it's really the only connection I have with you.
I know there are some people who are filled with faith, who know with every fiber in their beings that there is an afterlife with a benevolent deity awaiting us. I wish I had that kind of faith. Unfortunately, I don't.
There are days when I think I feel your presence. Then I wonder if maybe it's just wishful thinking and sleep deprivation that I feel. I wish I felt the unshakeable certainty that some do that we will meet some day. I can't even say reunited. I don't know that and doubt I ever will.
All I can do is say that there is not a moment that goes by that you aren't in my thoughts.
Love,
Mommy
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